The Blind Date (Teaser)
For several years I worked at Home Depot. Yes, I had to wear an orange apron. I was a flooring associate for a year, or so. At times, it could be back breaking; still, I enjoyed the customer interaction.
I was single, again, having been divorced. I had dated some but was not into the bar scene. Mostly, I spent time getting to know myself all over. Work was a great distraction. Oh yeah, speaking of a distraction, I met a very attractive blond haired woman named Colleen at my store one day.
She entered the flooring department and I approached her asking if she needed some assistance. I was divorced, not blind! Without skipping a beat she launched into her need to change her kitchen and dining-room floors. I loved challenges like this and proceeded to ask questions so I could narrow her choices more accurately. As we mingled about the department viewing the tile selection she introduced herself as Colleen, I did likewise, despite the fact my name was boldly printed on my apron. We were really getting along well when she asked an unexpected question, “Are you single?”
My brain instantly jumped into overdrive. Okay, maybe my libido, as well. This very attractive woman was about to ask me out! Me! The guy in the orange apron! Maybe there was some truth to women being attracted to a man in uniform. I had to come up with a brilliant response! “Yes”, I blurted.
She smiled and followed with, “Are you looking?”
I started hyperventilating. This lady wasn’t wasting any time! I repeated her question in my head several times and came up with as many answers. I was looking for sex, a fantastic partner, tons of fun, sex, love, and more passionate on-the-floor-grunting-and-sweating sex! With a stunned look on my face I suggested that her question was outside the realm of our current customer-associate relationship. It had little to do with her flooring! A voice in my head was screaming at me, Are you outta your mind? Say “yes” you idiot! Yes!
She coyly continued, “It was just a simple question. So, are you?” I took a step back to assess my situation. Looking her over my brain sized up my circumstance. She was attractive, intelligent, and, holy cow, to the point! I decided to risk it all and answer her truthfully. “I guess, but I’m not looking very hard.” She persisted, “But you are looking, right?” Here it comes buddy, I thought. She is putty in your hand! She wants you! “Yes, I am” I said confidently. With a broad smile opening across her doll-like face she giggled, “I know someone you just have to meet!”
Whoa! What just happened? Alarm bells were going off in my head! I stood there with that deer in the headlights look. She finally said, “She’s my best friend and you’d be great together.” Funny thing, I saw her lips moving but nothing was coming out of her mouth. “Friend?” I blurted. Her excitement was oozing out all over, “ She’s single and has a terrific personality. I’m going to call her right now!”
I held up my hand like a traffic cop, “Hold it right there”, I said. Alas, I was too late. The wheels of blind date hell were spinning and I was helpless to stop it. No sooner had I collected my wits, Colleen was gone and I had another customer waving for my attention. After awhile I laughed off the experience and carried on with my work.
Later that same day I ran into a regular customer of mine, Martin. A really nice guy who had been redoing his floors. As we chatted I noticed Colleen headed our way. Oh my God, I thought, what now? Waving frantically at both of us she shouted, “I left her 5 messages to call me!” With a quizzical look Martin asked her, “Colleen, what are you talking about?” Martin knows this nutty lady? Colleen joined us, all out of breath. Martin turned to introduce his wife Colleen. “We’ve already met”, I said with caution.
Colleen then described our meeting in the flooring department. Martin smiled at me and in a near whisper said, “I feel sorry for you buddy.” He slapped me on the back in that sucks-to-be-you kind of way. Eventually, Colleen’s friend allowed her to give me her phone number so I could call. Despite feeling a little uncomfortable and, oh yeah, set up, I agreed to call her friend, Darlene, that evening.
Sitting on my couch at home, I stared at the phone. Should I, or shouldn’t I? I decided that I would call so the crazy lady doesn’t come after me. Besides, I made a commitment to call and should. I knew what it was like waiting for a call and never having the phone ring. It wouldn’t be fair to Darlene. Goodness knows, she was probably feeling just as awkward as I. So, I dialed her number. Maybe the answering machine will pick up, I secretly hoped.
Darlene cheerfully answered and I introduced myself. We both laughed at our circumstance and agreed that Colleen was a little off her rocker to do this set-up. Nonetheless, we agreed to meet the next day at Chapters for a cup of coffee. I didn’t sleep five minutes that night.
(If you want the rest of this story let me know)
I was single, again, having been divorced. I had dated some but was not into the bar scene. Mostly, I spent time getting to know myself all over. Work was a great distraction. Oh yeah, speaking of a distraction, I met a very attractive blond haired woman named Colleen at my store one day.
She entered the flooring department and I approached her asking if she needed some assistance. I was divorced, not blind! Without skipping a beat she launched into her need to change her kitchen and dining-room floors. I loved challenges like this and proceeded to ask questions so I could narrow her choices more accurately. As we mingled about the department viewing the tile selection she introduced herself as Colleen, I did likewise, despite the fact my name was boldly printed on my apron. We were really getting along well when she asked an unexpected question, “Are you single?”
My brain instantly jumped into overdrive. Okay, maybe my libido, as well. This very attractive woman was about to ask me out! Me! The guy in the orange apron! Maybe there was some truth to women being attracted to a man in uniform. I had to come up with a brilliant response! “Yes”, I blurted.
She smiled and followed with, “Are you looking?”
I started hyperventilating. This lady wasn’t wasting any time! I repeated her question in my head several times and came up with as many answers. I was looking for sex, a fantastic partner, tons of fun, sex, love, and more passionate on-the-floor-grunting-and-sweating sex! With a stunned look on my face I suggested that her question was outside the realm of our current customer-associate relationship. It had little to do with her flooring! A voice in my head was screaming at me, Are you outta your mind? Say “yes” you idiot! Yes!
She coyly continued, “It was just a simple question. So, are you?” I took a step back to assess my situation. Looking her over my brain sized up my circumstance. She was attractive, intelligent, and, holy cow, to the point! I decided to risk it all and answer her truthfully. “I guess, but I’m not looking very hard.” She persisted, “But you are looking, right?” Here it comes buddy, I thought. She is putty in your hand! She wants you! “Yes, I am” I said confidently. With a broad smile opening across her doll-like face she giggled, “I know someone you just have to meet!”
Whoa! What just happened? Alarm bells were going off in my head! I stood there with that deer in the headlights look. She finally said, “She’s my best friend and you’d be great together.” Funny thing, I saw her lips moving but nothing was coming out of her mouth. “Friend?” I blurted. Her excitement was oozing out all over, “ She’s single and has a terrific personality. I’m going to call her right now!”
I held up my hand like a traffic cop, “Hold it right there”, I said. Alas, I was too late. The wheels of blind date hell were spinning and I was helpless to stop it. No sooner had I collected my wits, Colleen was gone and I had another customer waving for my attention. After awhile I laughed off the experience and carried on with my work.
Later that same day I ran into a regular customer of mine, Martin. A really nice guy who had been redoing his floors. As we chatted I noticed Colleen headed our way. Oh my God, I thought, what now? Waving frantically at both of us she shouted, “I left her 5 messages to call me!” With a quizzical look Martin asked her, “Colleen, what are you talking about?” Martin knows this nutty lady? Colleen joined us, all out of breath. Martin turned to introduce his wife Colleen. “We’ve already met”, I said with caution.
Colleen then described our meeting in the flooring department. Martin smiled at me and in a near whisper said, “I feel sorry for you buddy.” He slapped me on the back in that sucks-to-be-you kind of way. Eventually, Colleen’s friend allowed her to give me her phone number so I could call. Despite feeling a little uncomfortable and, oh yeah, set up, I agreed to call her friend, Darlene, that evening.
Sitting on my couch at home, I stared at the phone. Should I, or shouldn’t I? I decided that I would call so the crazy lady doesn’t come after me. Besides, I made a commitment to call and should. I knew what it was like waiting for a call and never having the phone ring. It wouldn’t be fair to Darlene. Goodness knows, she was probably feeling just as awkward as I. So, I dialed her number. Maybe the answering machine will pick up, I secretly hoped.
Darlene cheerfully answered and I introduced myself. We both laughed at our circumstance and agreed that Colleen was a little off her rocker to do this set-up. Nonetheless, we agreed to meet the next day at Chapters for a cup of coffee. I didn’t sleep five minutes that night.
(If you want the rest of this story let me know)
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